Bursting my Buddhist Bubble

Namu Amida Butso

As a western who has studied Buddhism for a period of time I entered into the practices, thoughts, ideologies with rose-colored glasses. For me, there was always a romantic notion of what Buddhism was/is.  I love to think so when posed with different Zen Korans – it was a joy to think with the spiritual part of my brain.

But since I have been taking classes at two Jodo Shinshu Temples and attending a variety of Buddhist conferences my spiritual thinking is challenged by my rational thinking. Learning the history and how Buddhism has traveled from country to country from language to language to practices and practices and leader-to-leader my knowing Buddhism is very young.  Learning about the historic Buddha in addition to other Buddhas I am beginning to understand the rational history of Buddhism, which is not always complimentary to my romantic notions of Buddhism.

As I try to put together the puzzle pieces of Buddhism I have a hard time curtailing my thinking and curtailing trying to make sense out of word and practice I once thought I understood.  When I see my sensei I frequently say, ”I have a question.”  I know not to say a quick question for most questions are neither quick nor simple.  What I have learned by asking my questions is that there are simple answers.

I know there have been moments when my sensei sees me and is thinking  “Oh no, she is going to ask me another question.”  I try really hard not to ask  - but it is hard for me to refrain, for I am always bursting with questions

In class one night when my sensei was sharing a historical aspect of Buddhism I was a little disillusioned.  During class that night I said, “You are busting my Buddhist bubble.”  A couple of weeks later I was disillusioned a second time in class regarding another Buddhist notion I held and said, “There you go again, and you are busting my Buddhist bubble.” 

Recently at a Buddhist conference, after a day of attending sessions that challenged my rational thinking, my sensei and two other Buddhist leaders and I were walking to dinner.  As usual my brain was working overtime and I kept asking questions.  Sometimes I feel like the three year old child who keeps asking,” Why?”  “Why?”  “Why?”  Back then, my three-year-old “whys?”  were frequently answered by my mother who would say, “Because I said so.”

The Buddhist senseis I was walking with did not say that but their replies were so basic, simple and to the point that again my romantic notions of Buddhism came into another collision to the reality cheek to the practicality of Buddhism.

I remember saying to one of them – “You know, I think Zen Buddhism is so much easier to understand than Jodo Shinshu.”  Maybe I just make things far more complicated than they are.

I still have lots of questions – I always will – I am just that kind of person.  Now when I have an “aha” moment in class or in life or in a service it is less of a romantic nation and more of a Buddhist reality check,

In Gassho

BSB

"Ushiro ni suwatta monto" 

Introducing a Backseat on the Aisle Buddhist

Namo-Amida-Butsu

I am Backseat Buddhist (on the aisle); a name that was inadvertently recently given to me.

I was attending a Buddhist conference and for the closing service I was sitting in the backseat on the aisle, as I always do. Someone said in a joking way “Why don’t you want to sit (in the front) where the expensive seats are?”   I replied that I needed to sit in the backseat because I have significant allergies to fragrances and especially to incense.  Then someone else nearby said, “Ah, so you are a Backseat Buddhist.”

I replied, “ In many ways” and thought to myself that the name really fit me. For some reason in my daily living I think in terms of titles. It is not unusual for someone to say something and I think, “Wow that is a good title for a book or blog site or a song, etc.”  This time I thought that “Backseat Buddhist” was a great name for a blog and the story of me being and becoming a Buddhist.  Not just because I sit in the backseat on the aisle but for other symbolic reasons as well.

The path for me being a Backseat Buddhist started when I was in college in the mid 1960s and read Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. I then read Paul Reps’ book Zen flesh – Zen Bones which became one of my all time favorite books and a book I have given often as a gift.  My reading continued with Allan Watts The Way of Zen and various books on Zen by D. T. Suzuki. I read Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig, at least twice, followed by listening to the book on tape two or three times. (When my son has in middle school he listened to it with me on a couple of long road trips together.) This book also was been a long time favorite of mine.  

I have read many books by the Dali Lama and have heard him speak more than once.  To be honest, I have had along time spiritual crush on him. I have been sharing Tibetan prayer flag blessings with my neighbors for years and give them to friends as gifts.  So, I have kind of been a scholar of Zen and Tibetan Buddhism over the years and I have privately practiced Buddhism in my daily life - but I have never been part of a Sangha.

I have gone to a variety of Buddhist services, meditations and/or retreats over the years but I would need to leave shortly after arriving because of my allergies to and relationship with incense. 

I have studied and explored various aspects of Japanese culture for a few years taking Japanese language classes and studying Taiko drumming.  I have attended a Japanese cultural festival for a few years at a local Japanese Jodoshinshu Buddhist temple. 

Two years ago I decide to “(wo)man up” to “cowgirl up” to “rise and shine” and to smell the incense.  It was time to put my commitment to Buddhism and my appreciation of Japanese culture into one experience. I decided to attend a Jodoshinshu Buddhist temple.  My son and a good friend of mine took our first journey to our first Shin Buddhist service at the temple where we had previously attended the Japanese festival.

As we were preparing to leave my son suggested for me to take some ice cubes and savor on them to fight my reaction to the incense.  So, I packed some ice and hid it in a nice handkerchief. We sat in the second row in the back in case I needed to leave.  I kept the ice in my mouth and the handkerchief over my mouth and nose as discretely as I could while I savored the ice.  This strategy worked. I made it through the service.  I used this ice sucking practice for a few weeks and worked my way from sucking on ice to sucking on mints or lifesavers while still sitting in the backseat.   My son still joins me for Sunday services when he can, also sitting in the backseat aisle row (maybe he is also a Backseat Buddhist) and I still use mints.

I know I am not unique with this incense situation. I have talked to many others who have mentioned their reactions to incense. I know that some Buddhist temples that have alternative ways to celebrate o-shoko – for those with incense allergies.  I appreciate this approach for I value the practice of offering incense in a Buddhist’s life and incense allergies are a challenge for me.

I consider myself to be a good, faithful member of our Sangha and I have only missed one Sunday service since we first started attending two years ago. I volunteer at many different temple activities; I have completed the lay leader classes and I am now a lay leader; I constantly read books and articles on Buddhism and I constantly study and take classes on Buddhism. When I cannot attend a service at this temple I will attend another Jodoshinshu Buddhist temple in the community.

Being a member of a Sangha has really helped me to put my 45 years of academic studies of Buddhism into a meaningful practice.  I think being part of a Sangha helps to make me the Buddhist I have privately been because as I shared in the Three Treasures: I take refuge in the Buddha, I take refuge in the Dharma and now I take refuge in the Sangha.

Being part of a Sanga, I believe, is important for a Buddhist.  I am very happy that I faced my incense allergies so I could really be the Buddhist I was born to be and have wanted to be.

I actually like being a Backseat on the Aisle Buddhist.  Maybe with time I will move up a row every few years, but right now I am a Backseat Buddhist and I invite you to join my thoughts, my stories and me.

In Gassho

"Ushiro ni suwatta monto"