Bursting my Buddhist Bubble

Namu Amida Butso

As a western who has studied Buddhism for a period of time I entered into the practices, thoughts, ideologies with rose-colored glasses. For me, there was always a romantic notion of what Buddhism was/is.  I love to think so when posed with different Zen Korans – it was a joy to think with the spiritual part of my brain.

But since I have been taking classes at two Jodo Shinshu Temples and attending a variety of Buddhist conferences my spiritual thinking is challenged by my rational thinking. Learning the history and how Buddhism has traveled from country to country from language to language to practices and practices and leader-to-leader my knowing Buddhism is very young.  Learning about the historic Buddha in addition to other Buddhas I am beginning to understand the rational history of Buddhism, which is not always complimentary to my romantic notions of Buddhism.

As I try to put together the puzzle pieces of Buddhism I have a hard time curtailing my thinking and curtailing trying to make sense out of word and practice I once thought I understood.  When I see my sensei I frequently say, ”I have a question.”  I know not to say a quick question for most questions are neither quick nor simple.  What I have learned by asking my questions is that there are simple answers.

I know there have been moments when my sensei sees me and is thinking  “Oh no, she is going to ask me another question.”  I try really hard not to ask  - but it is hard for me to refrain, for I am always bursting with questions

In class one night when my sensei was sharing a historical aspect of Buddhism I was a little disillusioned.  During class that night I said, “You are busting my Buddhist bubble.”  A couple of weeks later I was disillusioned a second time in class regarding another Buddhist notion I held and said, “There you go again, and you are busting my Buddhist bubble.” 

Recently at a Buddhist conference, after a day of attending sessions that challenged my rational thinking, my sensei and two other Buddhist leaders and I were walking to dinner.  As usual my brain was working overtime and I kept asking questions.  Sometimes I feel like the three year old child who keeps asking,” Why?”  “Why?”  “Why?”  Back then, my three-year-old “whys?”  were frequently answered by my mother who would say, “Because I said so.”

The Buddhist senseis I was walking with did not say that but their replies were so basic, simple and to the point that again my romantic notions of Buddhism came into another collision to the reality cheek to the practicality of Buddhism.

I remember saying to one of them – “You know, I think Zen Buddhism is so much easier to understand than Jodo Shinshu.”  Maybe I just make things far more complicated than they are.

I still have lots of questions – I always will – I am just that kind of person.  Now when I have an “aha” moment in class or in life or in a service it is less of a romantic nation and more of a Buddhist reality check,

In Gassho

BSB

"Ushiro ni suwatta monto"